This week's run was from An Ken temple, hared by Show Your Dick and it was a family run. There was a good turn-up of women and children, on this rare occasion.The weather was hot (around 33 degree

Celsius) and humid. As it is the usual practice on family runs, the hare made a short and a long run.

Bolt and I could get to the run only half an hour after everybody had gone on the run, as we got lost on the drive to the start. However, we did run. I opted the short run. I had gone for less than fifteen minutes,

when I found a group of runners running toward the finish, after doing the short run.

I went up all alone and there comes a six foot long black snake across my cement path and very slowly disappeared into a bush on the left.I did a loop along a well-laid, new path, down to a road. There the

pre-marking showed, flour on the right side going down, while a long and thick turn mark with flour showed, which was confusing. I went down, found flour and confetti marking the trail going up some steps.

After a short run, when I found that the marks are leading me to the finish, I turned left and went up the hill and hit some nice trails. I ran for  about twenty minutes, circled a big temple, all along no marks were

found. While running down the hill, I found a group of hashers rushing down another hill, far to the left. I joined whorehouse, doze and other front runners, this time on the correct trail, going up another hill. When

we got to the road, it was the same spot where I had gone down earlier. From then on, to the finish,it was the same trail I had run earlier on the short run. I was told that the long run was well marked along nice trails, and the front runners took more than an hour.

A small group of hashers did not bother to run; stayed back and enjoyed the food (that was brought by some of the hashers' family) and drinks. There was ample food and fruits, that vanished quickly, one the hashers got back from the run. Down downs were too many to record. Some girls were held up by their legs and had to drink while on head-stand!

All in all, everyone had a good time. On! On! until next week.

This week's run was at T'u Chen, at the Kwan Tz Tsai Temple. In the last ten years, we have assembled

there in front of the temple, a minimum five or six times annually, for our runs. The hares have to resort to

permutations and combinations to give at least a resemblance of change from previous runs! Whoever did

it, the runs tended to be long and hard!

This week's was no different. The weather was hot and humid. In spite of the fact that there was another

run taking place at almost the same time in Hualien where some of our hashers joined other local hashes fora combined run, we still had around 120 regulars running with us.

The hare for today's run was 'Brick shit Arse', who is notorious for pre-marking long and hard runs. He

was assisted by another tough nut, Septuagenarian 'Hayase'. Before they left, the hare marked on the

ground with chalk: The long run would take about 2.5hrs and the short one, a little over 1.5 hrs.

I was still suffering from acute pharyngitis, and a week's supply of all those antibiotics and liquid throat

medicine from the Veterans Hospital had not done any good, I decided to skip the run, stay back and drink

as much as possible,the free, cold amber liquid as a better cure!

So,I can only give a hearsay account of the run. About a dozen of those who had taken off over 30 minutes

before the hares left, were back after 2 hours complaining that even though they did short-cut, it was

still long and hard. Apparently, there was a water crossing along the trail, prior to the spot where S & L were marked and at this juncture, many got lost and followed their own trail back, some of them hitting the premarked inward trail at one stage or another! It took two hours or more for those few who did the whole, long trail. Such long runs are suitable only during our winter months!

A lackluster down-down ceremony followed, conducted by whorehouse in the absence of the ever truant

G.M. I have no news about the bash, as I didn't attend.

I had to travel by bus and MRT, all the way from Shihpai to Sun Yat Sun Memorial Hall, to

get a lift to the run-site ,way up between Ankeng and Hsintien. Merc and I got to this huge

parking lot that could easily accommodate the nearly one hundred cars the Hashers drive

every week to the run.

While the hares of last week had received the short end of the stick from me for their

efforts, today's hare Cicada was accorded glittering laurel! The run was of just the right length,

lasting barely over an hour, through some very pretty terrain that had all the ingredients of a

good hash run. Most of the tracks along the side of various hills, valleys, fields, rivulets, ditches

etc could be tackled at a good pace by most of the hashers (guru being one of the exceptions of course!!). The ups anddowns along the hills were a feature of the second half of the run, but then again, it was not steep enough as is characteristic of ninety percent of the Taipei Hash runs. We ran past several temples on this run, but the one on the top of a hill, which had yellow pennants on poles, all along a path from the valley was a tourist attraction. When I stopped to pray, folding my hands, I was applauded by the caretakers!

There were four or five checks which were not difficult to solve. However, from one check at a black top road at an intersection, everyone turned left, and went up-hill, for at least five minutes following other hashers already ahead, and not bothering to check whether one is on flour or not! By the time the guys at the front realized their mistake, there were around thirty of us plodding in the wrong direction. The correct trail had been through the bush, and re-emerging after ten minute's walk ,on to the same road, further ahead.

From the temple mentioned earlier, we had to run through a path strewn with wooden steps, along various hillocks and down, before finally reaching the beer-wagon.

The run was very well marked. It was perhaps the best run in a long time.

Down-Downs: In the absence of the G.M., 'Plod' officiated the down-downs. A Kiwi, by name 'Mat', a first timer was among the eligible that were given the honour, after of course the Hares for a good run that was appreciated by all the members.

Many hashers are complaining that the down-down is held too early. Now that it is summer and the sunset is only by around 7 pm, the down-downs should not be held before 5-30p.m. This gives us enough time for have more drinks, tit-bits and while most importantly, socializing, WHICH IS THE MAIN PURPOSE OF HASHING. We are not there for exercising. It's only a minor part. Those who wants real exercise, let them go and join the ROAD RUNNERS' CLUB. If the run happens to be long,

then, the down-downs should be held even later!. G.M. Bamboo and the co-conspirators, please take note!

Last weekend, 11 Taipei Hashers flew to Okinawa at the invitation of Okinawa Hash for a joint run, in

reciprocation of their recent visit to Taipei.Even though I was the one who started the ball rolling for the visit, I was unable to accompany them, as my holiday trip with my wife to Singapore and Malaysia coincided with it. After arriving there, they took a ferry from Naha to Motopu, where Okinawa Hash joined them, and then continued the 4.5 hrs trip to Yoron Island. The first run was on the boat itself which lasted about ten minutes, after which down-downs were held! After arriving at the Island, they had their second run, about an hour long in which about 50 hashers participated. The third and short run was bar-hops that was lot of fun, and got everyone drunk!There was a short run on Sunday for those who could wake up and on Monday, 'Hang-over' 5 minute run and downdowns. All in all, the Taipei Hashers had on orgy with the Okinawa Hash. Our thanks! On! On!!

Now, regarding our Saturday run, it was a ballbanger that lasted more than two hours for most, in hot

and humid conditions, hared by two short, robust bastard-duo,appropriately hash-named "Monkey Dick" &

"Hard On". The start was from somewhere on a road, between Nehu and Wan Li, from a check. We followed

a new, wide and well-made path of stone steps, going up a mountain, shaded by tall trees on both

sides. Beautiful. Once on top we turned through narrow mountain trails, with a scenic valley and far-away

skyscrapers on our right. Up and down we ran, mostly through shades until we hit a road. We ran down to

the valley, and after couple of difficult checks started going up another mountain. We had to climb through

hundreds of big rocks on the top of a ridge, with no end in sight. Real torture continued as we had to climb

up another four hills,up and down before we hit on 'On In' sign. The first half of the run was a real beaut,

whereas the second half was hell, too bloody long in this hot 32 degree celsius weather. Almost everyone

complained bitterly.

Downdowns: The hares first for their heinous crime. Then the returnees from Okinawa. And a lot more

for various, real or cooked-up reasons.

With our official scribe 'Guru' still on his forced vacation with his wife, your substitute scribe has again been called upon to submit the write-up for last Saturday's Taipei Hash run. So sharpening up my chisel and calling the local stone quarry for a supply of suitable stone tablets on which to record the dramatic events of that day, I was surprised to learn that they are completely out of stock. It seems some young upstart by the name of Moses has bought up all their stock for what they understand is a sort of Code of Conduct, constitution if you like, he is engraving and introducing to the world, by which we shall be expected, nay ordered, to conduct our lives. However besides being dyslectic and having problems with his 'Thou shalt nots ---', on presentation

of his Code which was put to the world to vote upon in the form of a referendum, it was soundly rejected with a resounding 'Non' where upon according to reports from the scene, Moses threw a tantrum and stamping his little foot, hurled the crudely engraved tablets, spelling mistakes and all, down the mountainside upon which he was standing, smashing them into little pieces. With howls of derision from the world gathered below ringing in his ears over his stinging defeat, he was then seen to retreat back up the fog shrouded mountain, Wu Jr Shan would you believe, making his way around the odd burning bush or two for what is believed will be a period of reflection before attempting to impose his Code of Conduct on us poor lesser mortals again!!!

In any event as no good quality stone tablets are available, your scribe has been obliged to try a new fangled method of recording events in the form of a goose quill for some reason called a pen, a black liquid call ink and a piece of sheep skin called parchment, would you believe. The lady in the shop that sold me these items is convinced that one day in the not so distant future, we will have fancy little machines with funny little window like things on which pictures will appear. These can sit on a table such as the one upon which I am currently penning this report and into which we shall be able record our thoughts, write reports with the amazing ability to correct selling errors no less, outrageously impossible, and conduct a host of other tasks, all by

pressing little buttons on a sort of key board thing and then send them out to all and sundry through the air. She is quite mad of course but you can never tell. Now dear readers, that you fully appreciate the difficult and arduous conditions under which these most scholarly dissertations are penned, I will attempt to record faithfully the events that constituted the Taipei Hash run last Saturday.

But first, on the bizarre news front, locally the 12th bottle of cyanide laced 'Bullwild' drink has still not been found although the perpetrator has been apprehended so beware, while on the international front, the mystery of the 'Piano Man' continues in the U.K. with still no-one able to provide any clues as to his true identity or nationality and how he came to be wandering along a rain swept beach in the middle of the night!

The venue for this week's little jaunt was a rather fancy car park complete with guards to direct traffic across a road from the austere facade of the Ankeng Tien Ho Buddhist temple, nunnery, monkery, what ever, a short distance out of San Xia on the road to Ankeng in a truly beautiful rural setting where many an excellent run has been set before. Under heavy overcast skies and with an intermittent light rain falling, Hashers gathered but much of the usual pre-run sit around and natter period was taken up with watching 'Fountain' and a number of other auto buffs, checking out the failed breaking system of your scribe's car and giving conflicting comments on the cause and advice on what should be done to correct it. That aside, with the Hare and his

aides, there seemed to be a number of them, on their way, 'Plod' led the now customary warm-up exercises following which without the restraints of our valiant leader, GM 'Bamboo', he was off leading a delegation to the Okinawa Hash for the weekend, the pack was off and running.

The trail led out of the car park, across the road and onto a muddy footpath running beside a small stream up a steep-sided, wooded valley. A check up a muddy bank to the left had the pack leaders, 'Carrier', 'Toothpick' and the like, racing on up the valley on a clearly defined path on which a few blobs of flour had been detected, only to be met with a Back Track. This led to a royal cluster fuck due to the confined space and the large hoard of Hashers on hand until the true trail was found leading across the stream and up a very steep slope to the right. Cresting this, the trail then led down an even more muddy and hairy slope into an adjoining valley before coursing away through a series of binlang plantations, bamboo groves, some agriculture and the odd

fruit tree. Crossing a narrow lane, the trail then led along a very rough path by the side of and across a small river before coming out onto a larger road but a short distance up this with 'Slow Coach' and a few other opting to stay on the road, turned off again across some fallow fields before leading us through an area of some of the finest hog heaven, buffalo paradise, get down and wallow in it, oooooozing, slimy bogland that I have ever had the pleasure to wade through. With thick bushes all around there was no alternative route but your nimble footed scribe by stepping on some of the bushes' roots managed to escape the worst.

However I did observe one or two Hashers almost up to their knees in the slime desperately trying to recover shoes that had been sucked off in the mud. Gaining higher ground the trail then led through a variety of agricultural plots adjoining some farm houses where one farmer got terminally pissed off with Hashers picking their way through his newly hoed turf and set off down the trail to try and deter those following with I understand, little or no success. No-one it seems was willing to turn back for what

would require another struggle through the bogs.

From the small farming community where one farmer's wife happily directed us to the correct path, the trail led through a series of tea fields separated from each other by bamboo groves and the odd binlang plantation, coming out on a hillside with quite a spectacular view of the surrounding countryside and the small farming communities dotted around. Then following a further series of descents and climbs along very muddy and slippery tracks, the trail descended steeply once more through bamboo coming out beside what can only be described as a 5 Star, class A swamp where in 'the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe' (apologies to Lewis Carroll). Thankfully we did not have to wade through this festering pool of slime as a very precarious

path skirted around it and the trail then led on through a number of streams, more agriculture, bamboo and woodland, passing some graves on the way - no Taipei Hash run is complete without a grave or two - before finally descending through another binlang plantation to a larger river where your scribe found a group of Hashers stripping and washing off the accumulated mud and slime they had picked up along the way and was only too pleased to join in. From this point, it was just a short run down a road to the On-In and the cooling beverages, fine ale and munchies supplied by 'Mrs. Piss'. These however were very much upstaged on

this occasion by the delicious 'Jong-dz's' supplied by 'Appetizer' which were handed out to runners as they returned.

With a light rain still falling, 'Ink Pink' called for Down-Downs and as tradition now dictates, the Hare 'Soros' and his Cohares 'Counterfeiter', 'Penthouse' and 'Sea Turtle' were the first up. Then followed the usual parade of saints, sinner, etc., and in the departing category, included one of our most honourable medicos, 'Mosquito' who is leaving for a 6 month training stint in Japan. 'Firebird' and 'Toe Job' then entertained the assemblage to some jokes that seemed to fall rather flat before 'Toe Job' decided that one newish member who has a passing resemblance to the late North Korean leader should be named accordingly.

So with 'Black Fur' leading the chanting and with a good spraying of baptismal beer, the Hasher was duly named 'Kim Il Sung'. And so it was with the light fading and the rain increasing, another fine day of hashing came to a close.

On-On

In the absence of our honourable Scribe, 'Guru' who as I have been led to believe, has had to take a forced vacation to Singapore and Malaysia with his wife, is there no end to the demands of these dreaded 'tai-tais', I am again taking up my chisel and tablet of stone to record the events of the last Saturday's Hash run as I observed them.

But first, on the local worthless news front, the news has all been heavily political with very few interesting little titbits to spice up this news letter. However from the U.K. comes a bizarre storey of three very young sisters, ages 12, 14 and 16, all giving birth to their own children having fallen pregnant within a 3 month period of each other, the youngest first. And believe it or not, the mother of these three girls is blaming the school for not providing sufficient sex education all be it that the middle sister had already had 2

miscarriages and an abortion. Well there you have it folks, if you have 3 young daughters and you leave it up to their school teachers to provide their sex education, you too can become a granddaddy 3 times over almost over night!!!

Well back to the more mundane matter of the Hash run. The venue for this weeks offering was on a small country road just east of Pinghsi and although not visible, above Ta Hwa station on the small rail line linking Pinghsi with the main Taipei/East Coast line. After days of almost continuous rain, very heavy at times, the change to sunny, hot and humid conditions was a welcome relief and this was clearly reflected in the large turnout although 'Penniless' who was there in body, was obviously far from present in

spirit while he nursed a major hangover and tried to apply damage control for a missed breakfast date having passed out cold. But in the lethargic pre-run lay around and natter period, it was the arrival of 'Shit Sandwich' on a brand spanking new 1200cc BMW motorbike fully loaded with every conceivable goodie including a built-in stereo system, nose picker, BJ applicator, etc., that really grabbed everyone's attention. All this for the bargain price of NT$1.1 million; a mere bagatelle!

With the departure of the Hare and his aides 'Full Moon' and 'Sofa', the usual warm-up exercises commenced led by the excessively fit 'Plod' following which the pack, fired up and rearing to go, had to be

held at bay by our fearless leader, GM 'Bamboo', until the official waiting period had elapsed. The trail was then picked up and almost immediately turned off the road down the steep hillside along a small path

passing an old style but well kept farm house on the way. The farmer who was watching the passing parade with some amusement, warned that the path ahead was very slippery and true to his word on a rather disjointed and well worn set of steps, our gallant leader 'Bamboo' took a bad toss, hurting his leg and/or ankle in the process and was forced to abandon the chase.

The trail continued on down this path coming out on the rail line below with a river running alongside and then turned eastwards along the tracks towards Ta Hwa station. However just before the station, basically just an open platform, the trail turned right and led up the access road to the station, a longish steep climb back to the road from which we had started. However almost immediately the trail turned left down another path and low and behold, we came out again on the rail line but this time just beyond the Ta Hwa station platform; a really dumb loop that could have been cut out.

A further 100 yards or so down the track, the trail again turned up a path to the right into the surrounding hills and from this point led up, down and through a series of secluded wooded valleys interspersed with streams, small farms and agricultural plots. One farm house in particular, a red brick structure in traditional Chinese style surrounded by a small garden, has been kept in very good condition at least externally and it was when passing this house that it came to your scribe that we were running many of the same trails used by 'Salonpas' in the first part of his epic 3 hour plus abortion he set in September of last year from San Tiaoling.

Arriving at the Long/Short Run split and seeing that for the Long Run the trail led upwards and off to the right while for the Short Run the trail led down to the left and onto a wide level path, the choice was not too difficult and your scribe opted for the Short Run, particularly with the sound of thunder now rolling off in the distance. For a while the path remained wide and flat before descending steeply through some agricultural plots and on down the wooded hillside finally crossing a small river and coming out on the rail line, where it joined up with the Long Run.  From this point it was then about a 2 km slog back up the rail tracks passing through 2-3 tunnels along the way, to Ta Hwa station, not particularly inspiring but could have been worse. However, arriving at Ta Hwa station and faced with the long climb back up the hill to the road and On-In, your scribe was indeed pleased to see 'Junior Slobbo' with his truck picking up a number of lazy bastard Hashers including the likes of 'Laughing Gas' and so without further thought or any feeling of guilt, jumped onto the truck to join them for a ride to the top of the hill from where it was a short jog back to the On-In and the pleasures of the cool brews, iced grass tea drink and the other goodies supplied by 'Mrs. Piss'.

In the cool of the late afternoon, our valiant and courageous leader, GM 'Bamboo', obviously in great pain and close to death from his earlier fall, called for Down-Downs. First up were the Hares, all 3 of them who were commended for the enjoyable run they had set, followed by 'Shit Sandwich' for his outrageous motorbike. He in turn was followed by the usual procession of old timers reaching some mile stone, first timers, returnees, saints, sinners, etc., and on the sinners side, included the 6-7 lazy bastard Hashers along with your scribe who had taken 'Junior Slobbo's' truck for the ride up the hill. Finally with much chanting led by 'Black Fur' and a good spraying of baptismal beer, 2 Hashers were formally inducted into the Hash and given the names 'Rubber Cheque' and 'D Ram'. And so as evening fell, another great afternoon of hashing came to a close.

On-On

It rained most of the week. We had pissing rain the whole morning. Fortunately for us hashers, the rain slackened in the afternoon, and we didn't have a wet run, but sure enough we had one of the muddiest and slippery runs.The start was way up in Peitou, near the ancestral homes of the old and prosperous Chan Clan., from one of the numerous temples in the locality. Yu Ching was telling me that our one and only Jumbo claims to be one of the descendants! I doubt it!! How about our, once upon a time hasher 'Book Worm' (of the old "Linko Book Store" in Tienmou)?

Today's hare Simpson and his sidekick Plod unfortunately gave us an uninteresting

run. We ran up a road behind a big temple; with difficulty found the flour marks going up by

the sidewalls of a cemetery behind the temple, and it was up and up climbing steps for a long while. Then the climb continued through a very narrow trail all the way to the top of a hill. After a short jog to the right, we started running down...a million slippery, wet and fungus covered steps.. and at long last, we went up again for a short while and hit a black top road. Confusion reigned from then on as it proved to be a difficult check. Finally with the help of a farmer, we went up hill through his farm to get to a village. A check there drove the hashers to nuts. I am sure only very few runners did find the correct trail from thereon. Octopussy and Eagle were seen arriving at the finish after many slow runners like me, and a bunch of others had already got back. Even though the hares must have put in lot of effort in setting the run in the rain, they could have done better.

General verdict: a mamahoohoo run. About the down downs and bash etc please check the newsletter in Chinese/Taiwanese. I am leaving early tomorrow morning (16th May) on holiday for Singapore/Malaysia for two weeks and he G.M. will designate someone to write the newsletter in my absence. On! On!

This week's hares Eagle and Octopussy are a notorious duo who has laid the longest and arduous

paper trails for us more frequently than perhaps anyone else in Taipei Hash's long history. They are also two of our fastest runners. They are both from Mucha area and they set their runs mostly in the vicinity.

This week's was no exception. Fortunately, this run was not a ball-buster. The start was up on the hill, close to Chinan temple,at a narrow intersection along the road. Hundreds of the hash cars had to park on the side of the busy road. There was not much shelter from the sun or rain. Luckily both didn't bother us

during the duration of our sojourn. About ten minutes after the hares had left and after a brief warm-up, we followed flour down the valley of tea plantation, and along a narrow cement path until we came up to a

check. Most of us found marks straight along for a distance before climbing up to a tarred road. We

turned right on this road( there were marks along that had guided all the cars to the start of the run and

so it was confusing) an after walking up for about ten minutes noticed that infact the hares had made

another trail from the previous check that had joined the road at this point too. These experienced hares

didn't know that it is not allowed unless to separate L & S runs? Further up the road, we found a check where the roads branched off in three different directions. It was a difficult check and found marks on a wide dirt road, leading up to the hill range.

The winding paths through Bamboo orchards and forest area led us to the top. We covered three or four

hills either along the top or winding along the sides. The slopes were muddy and slippery from the week's rain, but manageable. Most of the runners were back by about 90 minutes, which was good. Lot of

down downs followed. I was given a down-down at last for my 1425 runs with Taipei Hash. I think three hashers were christened with hash names. Many hashers were seen registering for the forthcoming overseas trip to Okinawa to run with the OKINAWA HASH, which was founded by Ex-Taipei Hasher,DAL "JOCK" TRADER. On! On!.

Hash Joke

The old rogue 'Guru' was working very hard to convince the well-stacked babe of his virility. Turning on

all the charm, he purred, "There may be winter in my hair, dear, but there's summer in my heart!"

"Yes, but tell me," "is there any spring inyour ass?"

**********************************************************************************************************************

A guy bashfully confided to his friend, "Y'know, I had my first blow job last night." "Really?" responded

his friend. "How did you like it?" "Wasn't really bad, but you know, it tastes a little funny."

A year ago, I learned I had cancer and but for the skill of the surgeon, Dr. Su, Cheng- Hsi and his team

which included our own Laughing Gas as the anaesthetist, and the fact that the cancers he found

were still relatively in their early stages of development, there is a good chance that I could not write this

Thank You note which I address to you all today. The skills of the surgeon and his team and the highly

trained and competent nursing staff of the Veterans General Hospital would not have been within my

reach had it not been for a few members of the Taipei Hash who without a moment s hesitation, came to

my aid. These include Penny , Hash Doctor , Terminator , Mosquito and King Kong , all of whom arranged for my very swift admission into the hospital and the operation that followed.

However possible the most profound help I received came from all the members of the Taipei Hash, not to

mention the members of the Bear, China and Ladies Hashes, all of whom, when they learned of my situation, came to visit, called or wrote expressing their concern and wishing me a speedy recovery. It is hard to express in words when your world disintegrates and you are facing a very uncertain future, the joy of seeing a friendly face or the pleasure of receiving a phone call or message. And so to each and every one of you, I should like to express my deepest gratitude for the encouragement and support you gave me when I most needed it and my sincerest thanks for your friendship and the help you have provided throughout this past year. I shall not forget.

On-On

Bush Baby

Taipei: 12 May 2005

As a prelude to this week's run, your scribe had received an e-mail from a certain Shaun 'Boy Scout'

Powell who mentioned he would be in town and expressed an interest in running with the Taipei Hash.

After making contact, it was arranged that he would take the MRT to Kunyang MRT Station where our

fearless leader, GM 'Bamboo' would pick him up and drive him to the run site. Arriving at the run site

shortly after, your scribe found the usual mass of Hashers preparing for the run and the even greater

mass of cars, surely more cars than actual runners, stretching for miles along the roadside and thus

was obliged to park some distance from the beer truck and the Sign-up. Hiking back to the Start, he

was introduced to our visitor, 'Boy Scout', who turned out to be a solid Brit, some sort of computer communications engineer and currently living in Zurich and running with the Zurich Hash but with plenty

of previous hashing experience in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia.

The venue for this week's run, a 'Cobra' production, was in the hills behind Dong Hu and as an

aside, it is interesting to note that on a run in April 2002, almost to the day and in the same general

vicinity, all the 'May Snow' and 'Acacia' trees were in full bloom where as on this occasion, hardly a

blossom was to be seen as they were just beginning to come out. Global Warming may be a reality but

after one of the most unpleasant and cold/wet winters Taipei and northern Taiwan have experienced in

quite some time, it is certainly late reaching us.  In the pre-run stand around and natter period, even before the Hares had taken off, your scribe noted that 'Slime' and 'Up-N-Coming' had arrived. For 'Slime' to arrive at a run before the start is most unusual but to do it twice on the trot must be some sort of a record, worthy of an entry into the Guinness Book of Records! In any event, following the usual warm-up exercises led by 'Plod', the pack was off down the road away from the Start.

The first check was found almost beside your scribe's parked car and as he had seen the Hares run on down the road while changing, was able to give directions thus avoiding the usual scratching

around. A short distance further down the road, the second check was located and after a short

search, the trail was picked up on a path leading up a steep wooded hillside with a pile of dog shit

strategically deposited by one of the local mutts on the road making access to the path hazardous

to say the least as the throng of Hashers jostled for position.

Following a long climb, the trail then led along series of wide hiking but very runnable paths through

the wooded hillsides with occasionally agriculture and bamboo thickets not to mention the sitting/tea

drinking/exercise areas greatly favoured by local weekend walkers, with plenty of vantage points providing

great views of the local surroundings, the Xizhi (Hsitzu) Incinerator being one!. Descending from these hills, the trail came out on Cheng Gong Road, Sec. 6, the new ritzy section of Neihu, close to the intersection with Min Quan East Road and Kungnin Road but after a short distance down and across this road and up a small lane, the trail led back into wooded hillsides along paths not unlike the first section we had passed through. However in the latter part of this section, from one vantage point, a spectacular view of Dahu Lake, Neihu and the hills beyond was provided.

The trail then descended again into urbanisation coming out in Neihu on Cheng Gong Road, Sec 5,

beside the North end of Dahu Lake. Crossing Cheng Gong Road once more Hashers found the divide

for the Long and Short runs but due to excavation works for the extension of one of the MRT Lines,

these were not strikingly clear, particularly for some short-cutters who missed it completely and finished

up on the long run to their total disgust! Your scribe noting that we had already been out the best part of

an hour, opted for the Short run and was rewarded with a very pleasant jog back to the finish through

more of the same type of woodland paths which had made up most of the run to that point, many of

which had constituted trails used on almost forgotten Thursday Night runs. The Long run on the other

hand appears to have been something of a 'ball-buster' coming on top of what had already been a good

run and led to some highly colourful comments by 'Up-N-Coming' when he finally made it back to the

On-In. On the Short run however, the trail initially led through a very large and almost deserted warehouse

parking lot where your scribe came across three old and battered lady's boots, all of the same

size and design, which lent credence to the tales, whispered in hushed undertones in the beer houses

surrounding Dahu Lake, of the sightings of an old and decidedly ugly 3-legged crone who is believed to

live in the wooded hills behind, only coming out at night to snatch virile young men for a little hankypanky

and before devouring them as a light supper snack!

With light rain threatening, a high spirited Down-Downs commenced under the leadership of our

great helmsman, GM 'Bamboo' and true to tradition, the Hares were first up. Next came our illustrious

visitor, 'Boy Scout' who proceeded to down the urine bottle mug, brimming with golden nectar, with true

Hash panache only gained from years of experience - oh, 'Slobbo', you would have been impressed!

Your scribe came next for having arranged the introductions and he was then followed by the usual

parade of old timers reaching some mile stone, returnees, first timers and Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

Three Hashers were then called up for New Shoes including 'Boot' and in honour of his name, was

handed a disgusting old welling boot found in the near by bushes half filled with good brew for his consumption.

Sadly however, most of it finished up as a beer shampoo as supping from the slime covered

boot was just too much. Finally with chanting and a good spraying of baptismal beer, a Hasher was formally given the name 'Cocoon', a play on his name .And so it was that another great afternoon of hashing came to a close.

On-On

Well it looks as if the winter has finally given away to spring/summer as the weather for this weeks run

was a beautiful balmy sunny afternoon. Also the setting for the run, the courtyard of a small village temple off to the side of the Chin Shan/Yang Ming Shan road surrounded by paddy fields, agriculture, a river and the mountains above Yang Ming Shan off in the distance, was most picturesque. In this peaceful, rural setting, Hashers gathered exchanging greetings, comparing notes on conquests - real or imaginary but my guess mostly the latter - and debating other worldly matters of importance. Even 'Slime', never one for making an early appearance, was present. Overall however was the air of expectation for a good run to round off the week but sadly this was not to be the case and I was reminded of a run almost 2 years ago to the day about which I made the comment in the News Letter that a run is often remembered and/or categorised by the last 15-20 minutes of the run. A run with a bad or poor start but a great ending is generally remembered with some affection where as a run with a good start but a poor ending is mentally filed under the 'best forgotten, dead, buried and never to be repeated' category. So it was with the run last Saturday.

After the usual warm-up exercises lead by 'Plod', the pack took off after the Hares out of the temple

courtyard following the trail up through the village where a check forced a temporary halt. With an abundance of paths, roads and tracks leading up a hillside in front of the check, the majority of the pack searched this area in vain and after scratching around for about 10 minutes, the flour marks were finally found on a small road behind the check leading up the main valley in the general direction of Yang Ming Shan. For the next 10 minutes or so, the trail led along a series of very pleasant small bicycle roads and foot paths through agriculture but all leading up the main valley.

Coming out on a concrete road, the trail then crossed the river and following a hiking path, started to

ascend what initially appeared to be a gentle hillside. The early stages were not unpleasant but as time

passed, the forestation grew denser blotting out views of the surrounding countryside and the climb got ever steeper with never and end in sight, enjoyment in the run waned rapidly and can best be summed up by a paraphrase of a line from one of Shakespeare's plays - 'Now is this glorious summer made our winter of discontent by this never ending climb'. Finally however after what seemed an eternity, the trail reached a high spot but then the full horror of the situation became clearer as the trail now followed the heavily wooded and ragged spine of a long, steep-sided ridge, still leading ever AWAY from the start.; would this f**king run ever end?

After another age of dragging up and down small tors on the ridge line with nothing to view but the

monotony of the surrounding trees, the trail made a decisive downward turn and for a short while followed a wide path into the valley. The hope that the worst was now behind however was short lived as the trail now led into and down a dry river bed strewn with bloody great boulders and rocks making the further descent into the valley slow and arduous. Emerging from this hazard, the trail then led on down the valley into which we had descended and finally after another lengthy spell stumbling along a rocky wooded path and hacking around in bamboo thickets, long grass and shiggy, the trail came out at the river we had crossed shortly after the start of the run and the concrete road. At this point however, nature made its demands uncomfortably felt and your scribe was obliged to make a short stop for a crafty crap and a wash off in the river.

After a short but surprisingly pleasant, by comparison, run back to the finish and the welcome brews and

snacks supplied by 'Mrs. Piss', your scribe found that Down-Downs led by our fearless leader, GM 'Bamboo', were just getting under way. First up were the Hares who should have been shot rather than honoured with a cup of good brew for the abortion of a run they had set. Then as the 2005 Hares' Bags had been delivered, all the Hares and Co-hares present which included your scribe, were called up to be presented with a Bag and a Swiss Army type pocket knife courtesy of 'Forever'. Your scribe was then given a toasting for his crass oversight of putting his health at serious risk by setting out on last week's run without a supply of candy (for the sugar). On that occasion, he was kindly saved by a number of Hashers who had both a bottle of a Sport drink and a small stock of candy which enabled him to recover and make it back to the finish and to these Hashers he expressed his sincere thanks. Finally, in addition to a host of other Hashers being called up to sup a cup of the good brew, two Hashers were named; 'Strong' for ? and 'Guide Dog' for his work with blind people. '4-Wheel Power' was then also renamed '4-Wheel Driver' but no prizes for guessing why!

And so with dusk falling and the mellowing effects of the fine brown bottled golden nectar erasing the

pain and memory of the run, another successful Hash came to a close.

On-On

It was chronicled in 'The Matsu Times'that a big bunch of people from Taipei, most of them Taipei

Hashers and their families invaded the tiny island during the last weekend, on the pretext of 'run,rest and

recreation. I, for one, firmly believe that they were there to pay obeisance and pray Matsu, She is goddess

of mercy, perhaps the most revered Goddess of the Taiwanese. Unfortunately, the Goddess decided to be among the worshipers around Tainan at that juncture. No wonder there were lesser number of attendees at our regular run on this Saturday, April 9. The run was in San Sha, hares FMD and Hard Disc. I considered to be lucky to have had the serendipity for 'discovering' the smooth and serene 'lake' by the road, while being driven to start of the run, on the near-by hill. We had couple of runs last year in the vicinity.

Then there was no lake, the riverbed was dry and dusty, and construction for bunds around was going on.

On enquiring, it was found that the lake was a reservoir for collecting water for purification, to be later distributed to the adjoining counties. The run itself started with a short run along a road before we followed

flour along a narrow trail,through a forest area, going up a mountain.At the top, we found the first check at

an intersection of trails. We followed marks downhill, ran through several discarded bird-nets used by

locals for trapping birds(a few weeks back, one of the hashers saved a strange species of an owl, and

later delivered to the SPCA),and various other hazards. At the next check, several of the hashers including

me, spent almost fifteen minutes reconnoitering the various venues before someone found flour along

a concealed trail. Perhaps someone may have discovered the trail earlier, but these days nobody marks

the checks, as we wont to. We ran downhill again,jumping ditches, slipping and sliding, wading through

elephant grass and thorny shrubs until we got to a black-top road. After a short run on the road, we started

climbing a mountain with no end in sight, until we reached the summit,puffing and panting. Down hill for a

while on the opposite side of the hill and then we skirted another smaller mountain at its mid section.

Finally, we ran down to another road, white the 'On -in' sign was marked. The hares had marked the trail

well. The weather was fine. Apart from the climb, most of the trail was runnable. The denouement was a

fairly good work-out and most of the runners could do it under ninety minutes. Congratulations, hares for a

job well done.

DDowns: In the absence of G.M. Bamboo, it was conducted by Plod and a few others! Whorehouse

was seen conducting some mysterious rituals, rite of circumcising?-for some members before giving them a down-down.You better ask him yourself!

Hash Joke

Sometime after Sidney died, his widow Tillie, was finally able to speak about what a thoughtful and

wonderful man her late husband had been. "Sidney thought of everything, " she told them. "Just before he

died, he called me to his bedside, and handed me three envelopes. 'Tillie, ' he told me, 'I have put all my

last wishes in these three envelopes. After I am dead, please open them and do exactly as I have instructed.

Then, I can rest in peace.'" "What was in the envelopes?" her friends asked. "The first envelope contained

$5, 000 with a note, 'Please use this money to buy a nice casket.' So I bought a beautiful mahogany

casket with such a comfortable lining that I know Sidney is resting very comfortably." "The second envelope contained $10, 000 with a note, 'Please use this for a nice funeral.' I arranged Sidney a very dignified funeral and bought all his favorite foods for everyone attending." "And the third envelope?" asked her friends. "The third envelope contained $25, 000 with a note, 'Please use this to buy a nice stone.'" Holding her hand in the air, Tillie said... "So, do you like my stone?" showing off her 10 carat diamond ring.

Egads !! the 14th run of the year n wot a fookin slog - me thinks the hare sesame ought to be

renamed 'shit-for-brains' after this epic trip starting down hill from near the top of the Wan-li ridge.

the hares ne'er got goin til about 3pm under very foggy conditions with the hounds in pursuit some fifteen min.later. normally urs truly stays away from these idiotic A to B bloody trails just for the fact that they give the hare(s) a lame excuse to show off their complete stupidity . howe'er today i had a brain-fart in the morning n ne'er recovered in time . On down we went n into the enchanted forest where we meandered for the next two and a half hrs slippin n slidin on our arses on mud not unlike that of sheer fookin grease. after two hrs one felt like the ' woodland troll ' (the one that sodomized Bambi,the lost deer, in the W-D classic) all covered in shit n cut to shreds by those bleedin fookin thorns. then came the final descent where a MISSING turn mark to the right buggered me n buffalo for nearly fifteen min. After a few Tarzanic maneuvers navigatin the steep on-down with an ever growing feeling that perhaps the hare(s) didn't even know the way, it was on to the tarmac n on in to Ping deng li. Hearsay had the FRBs in at about at 1:20 n the BOPs at between 1 1/2 - 2 hrs. Urs truly wiped it out at a swift 2:45 thereby leaving no doubt that he is indeed the Ultimate Object of Desire. the run would've been a lot better had it been more varied as somehow runnin thru the thickets for over two hrs leaves a lot to be desired. Also me thinks these A to B journeys would be better reserved for down-island runs. Then again due to the conscientious or otherwise effort put into it by the hare(s) i give em a very liberal 2 1/2 out of 4 erections on the stiff peter meter. DDs

- sorry,but shop was closed upon my arrival. [ note- we must be the most fookinefficient hash in the world with DDs at 5pm sharp n bash start at 6.00pm; woe n behold to those simpletons who do the whole trail n get back late for they shall neither feel nor taste the cool suds for which they've already paid their fuckin pesos for upfront !!!! ] FUCK the scumittee !!!! the bash was again poorly attended with only 3 tables .

Sumthin is quite fooked up here . our neighboring hash (ie.Bare H3 ) has less than half the runners as us,yet they bash with twice the tables . Me thinks the GM needs to remedy this sorry situation with an evening extension course : " Hashing is MORE than just the run !!!,Fuckwits "- ON ON !!

Awell organized family run on this Saturday was the top news of the week; not Mayor Ma challenging

Speaker Wang for the coveted position of the charimanship of the oppositon party, KMT for which the election is to be held in the near future.

Many hashers brought their wives, children and friends to the run as the weather was very nice for a

family picnic. It had the atmosphere of a carnival. We started off for the run, along a concrete path beside a narrow channel for a while until we came to the first check. We crossed over a stream to go up a small hill and soon found the trail marked S to the left and L to the right. We turned right, climbed up lots of steps through a young bambooo plantation and then ran down to a road. We continued on the road, past Chin Tien Kong, passed some village houses, and again down hill and hit another road. Here, I saw slowcoach going in the opposite direction of the trail,and Icoundn't help but shout 'yooou short cutting bastard'!

We cut across couple more roads, with short bursts along connecting paths. The highlight of the run was that there was not much of a climb that mattered, and the whole trail could be run fast. Even the long run was very short, the front runners doing it in less than 45 minutes. The hare 'One Hung Lowly' (his hashname is not C.C. as far as I know) however, made sure that the trail was well marked. We have had a few runs in this area in the past! But what mattered most was that the ladies and kids had a great time, most of them accompanied by their husband/father, who could not run or jog as they would have liked to. Happy family. The hash is a close knit community.Great commraderi!! A feast was alreay set with the variety of dishes brought by the hashers (of course cooked by their best halves). Everybody had a great time eating and drinking that there was no need for the usual bash.

Down downs were too many to record. On on!

I will sadly miss the next Saturday's run as I am off to Angkor Wat for sightseeing early on

Wednesday!

Guru

We assembled in front of hare 'Why's' three storey modern house attached to his ancestral farm

houses.We parked in front of the 'Taipei International Loft Station'- a steel fabricated two storey

elongated loft, where pigeons are raised,and trained for racing. Unfortunately, we were asked to vacate the premises, and all the cars had to be parked by the roadside. It was a hot, windy and sultry afternoon.

Instead of two hares as in the norm, four hares including 'Rolling Stone', 'Firewood', and 'Black Dough nut, took off at 2.45pm, announcing that they are going to do a live run. I was told by 'Why', that it took them five days of recceing to finalize the run through an unfriendly terrain. The first check was found behind the hare's farmhouse, on the slope of a hill. It was a difficult check as the first mark to the correct trail was over 400 meters instead of the required 100m. The flour led us through a lemon orchard, along the side of the hill to the top until we came to a road, and another check. There were several possible trails including to the hills on the left and right sides of the road. Hashers were seen all over, searching. Finally, marks were found further along the road, on a narrow dirt track winding uphill. We crossed a cemetery, and at the top, we moved along a trail with overgrown,tall elephant grass on both sides. We had to wade through it, in Indian file for a considerable distance, getting cut-up by its razor-sharp edges. We finally got to the valley, crossed a shallow stream, and reached a road. On the road, the hares apparently had marked L(long run) and S (short run) later on, after many had already found flour going up another hill. The short run continued along the road towards the finish. Getting to the top of the hill, we ran along the ridge, continuing up and down through various crests, and also again through long stretches of elephant grass, thorns, and shrubs,like a column of soliders in Indian file.

Running and overtaking was next to impossible, being very hazardous. Finally, we descended from the hills to the plains and ran a short stretch, down a road to the finish. It was a difficult trail to scout,jog or run, but it wasn't long. Luckily,the weather was nice, the grounds firm, not slippery even on the slopes, and where it mattered, the hares had marked the trail well. To give the devils their duce, by hook or by crook, they (it took four of them) did a good job. Why!, Congratulations!!

Down-Downs: They were quite a few. The Grand Master conducted the naming ceremony for three

hashers(referred to, above). The bash was well attended.

Laugh of the day:-Signs of some businesses:

Pizza shop sign: 7 days without pizza makes one weak! On a plastic surgeon's office door: Hello, can we pick your nose?

On a restaurant window: Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.

At the electric company:We would be delighted if you send in your payment promptly; however,if you don't, you will be.

Outside a muffler shop: no appointment necessary, we hear you coming!

I can't help wondering as to how many hashers were present when this twenty year old girl sat exhibiting her knockers and genitalia on the Ferris wheel at the Miramar Shopping Complex in Neihu! Apparently the weather was cold and rainy; so,many of you may have missed the show! Never mind, it's on the chat website for you to look up!! I am galled by our hash committee

for spending lot of hash funds for such shows during our spree!

Our run on Saturday,12th March, was hared by Eject, from a temple in Tu Cheng. It rained cats and dogs, before,during and after our run, making rivulets all around our run site. Even though the runners are supposed to leave on the run by 3pm, fifteen minutes after the hares have left, about a dozen

of the old and lazy, including me, left soon after 2.30pm hoping to hit the pre-marked trail, sooner or later! We went a couple of meters up along the road, found a cobble-stone-paved wide path going up the hill which we took. Everyone, excepting me took a narrow muddy track bseside the path,among a wooded area, going up the hill. Only I continued on the well-laid path, all the way up,along steps until I reached the top of the hill, and a recreation area. Here, a similar path went to the right, down the hill (this was the path all the others who had done the correct trail came up from the valley and went down to the finish;the way I had come up). I went to the left, continued the same beautiful path going all the way down,along thousands of steps, until I came to an intersection. I

went to the left about one kilometer and came to Nan Mucha Road,and promptly returned the same way up to the intersection, where I met Tool. We then took the path to the right,and after climbing thousands of steps reached a black top road. We turned right on this road, and soon came up to a hashmark- a check. We took another cobble-stone-paved path and lots of steps all the way to the top, and down plenty more steps,to get to the beer wagon at the finish. The actual trail went through muddy trails among trees, then climbed thousands of steps on the right side of the hill, taking some muddy,slippery paths often in between, and finally climbed up the way I had taken earlier. Everyone was wet, muddy, and shiveringfrom cold. Though some complained about the innumerable steps, all in all, it was agreed, the run gave a good work-out. There was not enough cover for protection from the rain, and the down-downs had to be conducted in unfriendly conditions.

Hash Joke

A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of feminity giving him the socalled "glad eye." In a casual manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life. Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr and Mrs. After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out.

The clerk presented him with his bill for $250. "There's a mistake here, " he protested. "I have been here only three days." "Yes," replied the clerk, "but your wife has been here for a month."

Photo

Photo

Taiwanese worldwide observed 228 Peace Memorial Day, on Monday. On Feb.28,1947, over 2800 Taiwanese were murdered for 'ethnic cleansing' by Mainland Chinese hooligans sent by President Chiang Kaishek, who later fled from China to Taiwan in 1949 and took over this Country. Another important news that came to my attention is:An octogenarian actually 87 yrs old) was arrested when he was leaving a hotel in Taipei after having sex with a hooker. The man said:'Even if I had to face a firing squad (later), I would still buy a 'chicken', and had every right to satisfy his waning libido, as his wife was dead for ten years! In Cantonese, 'chicken'also means streetwalker.

Now about the run on last Saturday. It was drizzling when we got to this park area in Sansha at 2.30pm. It was very cloudy forecasting heavy rain later on. Hare "Wildman" had apparently premarked 90% of the run except of the area of the start and finish.I followed a dozen or more of hashers led by 'Old Machine','Happy', 'King Kong', 'Terminator' (to name a few) hoping to find the trail at some point later on, trusting a clue given by the hare. No luck. We took a nice trail, going all the way up the tallest mountain in the area. It took over 30 minutes of slow climbing to the very top and still no marks. Then the descent was the only trail available. At this point, I opted to go back to the start the way we had climbed so far. I found a check, not too far from the start and the regular

late-comer 'Slime'. The correct trail went to the left (nor straight up that I Had gone), around the tallest mountain, towards the valley of the next one, up to the top of the adjacent mountain, and down and back to the beer wagon.I was told later by my companions who disobeyed hash rules that they eventually found the flour toward the bottom of the hill and then continued on trail to another hill, and down to the finish.

On the run it rained cats and dogs. And it was cold. Yet,some hashers like 'Yu Ching', 'Chicken George' etc ran in shorts only, as usual. Lot of hashers left early, before down down for some bash apparently thrown by 'Shopping'. I was not invited and so have no idea what it was all about. And hare 'Wildman' had no idea if there was the 'Hash bash'. 'Brass Ball' was in a hurry to go,who gave me a lift to 'Sinpu' MRT station so that I could get back to my home in Tienmou. I was sad to note that the only foreigners on this run, apart from me, were 'Slobbo' and 'Slime' only. The weather has been very unkind to us during the last several weeks. As 'Spiritual Advisor' of the Hash, I am supposed to bring good weather for our runs, unfortunately I could not find any virgins in Taipei to sacrifice at the altar to please the gods!

Let us hope that the weather will improve before our next run. On On!

While the Hares 'Slowcoach' and 'Yakuza' left ten minutes earlier than usual, promising a live run(meaning not pre-marked),'Gash' got us to warm up as usual. Okinawa G.M. "Back Door Hacker'' didn't look so bouyant as he had too much booze the previous night! I was surprised to see that all of our guests turned up in time for our Hash run in Yin Kang, at a car park, close to the gushing fumaroles of Peitou. Luckily, the hashers didn't have to pay for the parking only because, the restaurant we were to have our bash,close by, owned the place. The wife of 'Philippino' Philip, who used to drive our beer wagon for years, still works as the chief waitress in this restaurant, even though Philip ceased to work for Lubricunt and moved to Manila to run his own motorcycle shop!

Okinawa Hashers (Back Door Hacker-G.M; Omakase, Itchy Scratch, Squeaks like a pig, Toad, the bent sprocket, Finger painter, Minors I lost for ever, smells like bleach, Pillsbury Dough Ho, Blue Moon, and Why am I married)were introduced to our Hashers.

The weather was very cold, and it drizzled throughout the run.The run took us along the road towards Tienmou park.From a check above the park, we came to a series of steps going up, up, up; seemed no end to it! Finally it brought us to the PP famous secret trail and to the vicinity of the Yangmingshan Culture College. But instead of heading towards the Varsity itself, the trail went to the left, away toward another valley and a river. We crossed several small bridges, again climbed lots of steps that brought us to the second main road to Yangminshan National Park. At this point it was freezing cold,windy, and raining. Faute de mieux, I carried on, praying "Oh, God,please don't give me pneumonia"! We passed the Yangmingshan Bus Terminal, and kept going towards Houshan Park and the tourist attractions of the flower clock, lush Green meadows, beautiful flora (including the pink and white cherry blossoms),and fauna. But we didn't get that far;instead,we turned left through a narrow trail along the valley of another hill. Another long,secret trail, well known to the hashers as a

hornet habitat. Then down another road until we joined the same second main back road going up to

Yangmingshan, but at the bottom part of it. There we were right on top of the valley and sulphur pits on the right. We descended innumerable steps, passed dozens of steaming sulphur-hot spring-bath houses for men and women, crossed by the side of the gushing fumaroles,suffering from the steam and pungent sulphur smell,and finally got back to the finish. The front runners, short-cutters and those lazy bums who didn't run at all,were able to warm up with the hot soup/ginger drink brought by the beer-lady. No such luck for the late finishers!

It took about 90 minutes for most of the hashers to finish the run, but several others like me took two hours of more! It was a long, well-marked run through beautiful territory. Congratulations, hares.

Down-Downs: The visitors were given down-downs and each was presented with our latest anniversary vests. They also got head bands, stickers etc. However, I was disappointed to note that all they could part with was an Okinawa Shirt, given to Slowcoach in appreciation of his hospitality and the time and efforts he took to make sure that they all had a good time in Taipei.

During the down-down, it started raining heavily and everyone had to rush to the restaurant, that was luckily close by,for the bash. The bash was well attended and everybody had a good time. After the bash most of our visitors went for a therapeutic dip in the hot spring Sulphur bath provided by the

restaurant, to rejuvenate before returning to their hotel. I do hope they will have the time and opportunity to see the annual Taipei Lantern Festival that lights up the night for a couple of nights more in Taipei, mainly at the City Hall and Tower 101, the World's tallest building, before they return home. By the way, Okinawa hash has invited us to join them on a special run they are organizing

in May in a beautiful island across from Okinawa. I think we should go. Please enquire with our GM for more details.

Download News Letter

With the Asian Tsunami Disaster still very much dominating the news, it is pleasing to note that the Taipei Hash has collected about NT$50,000.- from its members in donations for the relief efforts. This money will be passed to the Taiwan Buddhist Tzu Chi Foundation which is taking an active roll in providing medical care and helping in the rebuilding of homes for the survivors in Indonesia and Sri Lanker, the hardest hit regions, as we know that the funds will be used in full directly for aid purposes and will not be subject to 'sticky fingers' if passed to some of the other agencies handling donations. Anyone still wishing to make a donation, please contact 'Whore House' as soon as possible.

On the useless information front, possibly due to the extreme cold spell that has been gripping the northern parts of Taiwan for the past two weeks or so, nothing noteworthy or of passing interest seems to have occurred. However reading through some back numbers of the News Letter for inspiration, it is interesting to note that two years ago the China Post gave prominent coverage to the report that the size of women's breasts in Taiwan was on the increase. Hopefully this trend has been continuing and judging by the size of the pair of jugs on a local wench brought kicking and screaming to the run by our resident caveman, the report is not without foundation.

Big breasts aside, if you are wondering how it is that the Hare is writing up the report on his own run, it is because our resident Scribe, 'Guru', who was at the run, took it upon himself to join a small group lead by 'Old Machine' and start out early even before the Hare had even made it to the run site and marked the trail. It is not absolutely clear what paths they took or where they went, excepting they spent a long time at it, but the up-shot of this was that as 'Guru' felt that he could not write an honest report

on a run he never saw, or even make it up a la 'Buffalo', he asked around for others to write it. Thus with no other takers, all claiming their individual inability to string two words of one syllable together in a sentence, the onus fell to me, the Hare, and as such with the literary licence to blow my own trumpet, I can state that this run was one of the finest in the annuls of the Hash!!!

The ironic part was that the Hare nearly did not make it to the run as on his way to the run site, stopping to pick up an additional bag of flour at the 7-11 opposite the Palace Museum, he had his car towed, all in the 2-3 minutes he was inside the shop. However with the kind assistance of 'Fire Bird' and 'SM Shit' who were passing by at the time, he was able to chase down the tow truck, loan the fine and retrieve his car from the pound in Jiantan and make it to the run site for a slightly delayed start. The Cohare, 'Bamboo' in the meanwhile, fearing the Hare would not make it in time, had co-opted 'Carrier' to assist and so it was that when the Hare did finally arrive, he had two co-hares to aide with the marking.

The actual run was a very traditional Taipei Hash classic, very much an old site revisited; an oldie but goody with real live Hares. It combined a steep climb out of the start through wooded hillsides, a stretch of road, a nasty long and steep climb up a very muddy path through mostly bamboo stands, a long and fast stretch alongside an irrigation ditch, a river crossing, some shiggy with oranges for the picking on the way, another fast stretch alongside a second irrigation ditch, a little more road and finally down

through woodland past some graves - no Taipei Hash run is complete without at least one grave - to the On-In. Front runners who actually completed the run, were back in a few minutes over the hour. Some complaints were made about the checks, particularly the second, being too hard to solve but with the current practice of pre-marking, the art of solving checks and back-tracks is all but being lost!!!

With the light fading and the temperature dropping like a stone and Hashers attempting to find every possible means to keep warm from the hot ginger soup provided by 'Mrs.Piss' to thick coats and sweaters, our fearless leader, 'Bamboo', finally called for Down-Downs. Even 'Peniless' had brought along his pet mobile winter-model comforter; no raving beauty but certainly very desirable for cold winter nights!!! However, not so 'Buffalo' and 'Plod'; 'Buffalo' parading round the parking lot in the buff and 'Plod' sitting chest deep in the stream beside the parking lot, taking a long leisurely bath. To cap it off, the GM insisted that all recipients of Down-Downs should sit butt-naked on blocks of ice. First up were the Hares followed by usual parade of Old Timers reaching some mile stone, First Timers, Hash Sinners which on this occasion included the Hare again for both having his car towed and taking a

mighty dump while marking the run, and finally a bunch of not seen too often runners, mostly foreigners, including the China Hash GM, Dave 'Frontal Lobotomy' Hill, who put in a brief appearance claiming his knee was still not up to the riggers of running.

With Down-Downs finally over and night falling fast, it was then discovered that 'Bull Wang' (in his 80's) and his son had not returned. 'Buffalo' claimed he had seen them some 15-20 minutes before on the trail but in the scramble of Hashers leaving for the Bash or home, no-one asked exactly where they had been seen and so it was that the Hare and GM/Co-hare together with a few other kind souls, spent a long cold hour scouring the trails and roads around the run site looking for them. Finally while returning to the parking lot from one fruitless search, the Hare found them walking back and leaned that rather than take the short On-In trail through the woods in the gathering darkness, they had opted to walk back down along the main Wanli road, one very long and cold walk!!!

All's well that ends well and so another fine day of hashing, if not on the cold side and laced with a little drama, came to a close. The GM even made it to the Bash which was held in the crocodile farm, and was able to scrape up a few grains of rice from the all but empty plates.

O n - O n

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Thank you fellow hashers for your generous and prompt contributions for the Tsunami relief fund, even though the request ws made only minutes before our hash run today. We hope that during the next couple of weeks, we could raise much more. I read in today's China Post that private and public sectors in Taiwan have raised NT600 million in cash alone for the relief fund. The Taiwanese are very kind hearted, for sure. "Toe Job" is the only one in the Hash to thank me for being one of the first ones to come forward to donate whatever meagre sum I could. However, one of my close friends in the hash, when asked:'did you donate anything', his reply was, noo00, but then,Guru, you donated only because a lot of people (actually over 15,000) died from the region you come from. What nonsense! Our G.M. will send the amount to a reputable charity organization like UNICEF (United Nations International children's Emergency Fund) Tsunami Relief Fundthat will help all the affected countries in Asia, so

that the orphaned children could be taken care of, instead of being sold to sex/slave markets.

Lot of us will soon be squandering money in gambling (through mahjong,casinos etc),night clubs, the so-called beauty parlours a.k.a. brothels. Please think about it and contribute a small share it for the Tsunami victims.

Our Saturday Run: Hare "Arahan" and his aide-de-camp,set a 'rocky 'run around the Dan Feng Mountain (below the 'Dog-head') from the prosperous temple in the valley of Peitou. Peitou used to be the 'Paradise' in Taiwan for men and prostitutes until perhaps about ten years back. We had lots of runs in this area during the teething period of Taipei Hash, and all our big celebrations were held in the various hotels here. Almost all those hotels have been demolished,as the 'red district' in the area was totally closed by the police.

Vernon "Asshole" Shearer (the South African who served us as G.M,, On Sec and brewmeister; he introduced draft beer in barrels and pumped it for us too after our runs; and died of Cancer) got his arse piecred by a piece of porcelain from the washbasin he was leaning on during a bash in the 'Love Hotel' in Peitou, thus getting his hashname!!) THHH had three Vernon Shearer Memorial cross country runs in his memory! Those wereTHE glorious days of THHH).'Whorehouse's favourite place, who proved his sexual prowess in front of the hashers,during one such bash here.

The hares did a very good job, the trails taking us up and down on all the four sides of the mountain (Peitou, Wellington heights, Shihpai and Peitou) in the midst of rocks. I have hared many runs in this area, especially from the 'Lover's Temple' (hashers may remember the chicken curry/rice dinner served by an Indian Lady at the end of the run - Chinese New Year -when Whorehouse was the G.M), but Arahan takes the cake for the toughest trail, one could find in the area. We started from the temple, ran down the road, for five minutes before turning right, to the center of the old love district. Climbed up the mountain to the left,all the way to the top, We came up to an old Japanese army camp, where "Toe-Job" pointed out to me the remnants of the writings and signs on stone slabs that were destroyed by KMT, after the Japanese surrender. From a check near by, we climbed down almost all the

way by the steep side of the hill and up again to the top on the other side. We continued on the trails facing Shihphai, half the way up the dog mountain to the track and field of the University close by. We passed the dormitory of the students and the discarded shooting range, climbed up another hill before climbing down to the road going up Wellington Heights and back to the start. All in all,a good one hour run and a good work out. Well done, hares. Down Downs: All those who contributed today for the Tsunami funds were given the privilege first. The weather was warm and excuses were not needed for the various down-downs.Around forty hashers attended the bash afterwards.